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Self-test for cocaine addiction.
1. Do you ever use more cocaine than you planned?
2. Has the use of cocaine interfered with your job?
3. Is your cocaine use causing conflict with your spouse or family?
4. Do you feel depressed, guilty, or remorseful after you use cocaine?
5. Do you use whatever cocaine you have almost continuously until the supply is exhausted?
6. Have you ever experienced sinus problems or nosebleeds due to cocaine use?
7. Do you ever wish that you had never taken that first line, hit, or injection of cocaine?
8. Have you experienced chest pains or rapid or irregular heartbeats when using cocaine?
9. Do you have an obsession to get cocaine when you don't have it?
10. Are you experiencing financial difficulties due to your cocaine use?
11. Do you experience an anticipation high just knowing you are about to use cocaine?
12. After using cocaine, do you have difficulty sleeping without taking a drink or another drug?
13. Are you absorbed with the thought of getting loaded even while interacting with a friend or loved one?
14. Have you begun to use drugs or drink alone?
15. Do you use larger doses of drugs or alcohol to get the same high you once experienced?
16. Have you tried to quit or cut down on your cocaine use only to find that you couldn't?
17. Have any of your friends or family suggested that you may have a problem?
18. Have you ever lied to or misled those around you about how much or how often you use?
19. Do you use drugs in your car, at work, in the bathroom, on airplanes, or other public places?
20. Are you afraid that if you stop using cocaine or alcohol your work will suffer or you will lose your energy, motivation, or confidence?
21. Do you spend time with people or in places you otherwise would not be around but for the availability of drugs?
22. Have you ever stolen drugs or money from friends or family?
If you have answered "yes" to any of these questions, you may have a cocaine problem. There is an answer - come to meetings of Cocaine Anonymous, read the literature, and join us - we want to help.
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Who Is a Cocaine Addict?
Some of us can answer without hesitation, "I am!" Others aren't so sure. Cocaine Anonymous believes that no one can decide for another whether he or she is addicted. One thing is sure, though; every single one of us has denied being an addict. For months, for years, we who now freely admit that we are cocaine addicts thought that we could control cocaine, when in fact it was controlling us.
* "I only use on weekends," or
* "It hardly ever interferes with work," or
* "I can quit, it's only psychologically addicting, right?" or
* "I only snort, I don't base or shoot," or
* "It's this relationship that's messing me up."
# Many of us are still perplexed to realize how long we went on, never getting the same high we got at the beginning, yet still insisting, and believing -- so distorted was our reality -- that we were getting from cocaine what actually always eluded us.
We went to any lengths to get away from being ourselves. The lines got fatter; the grams went faster; the week's stash was all used up today. We found ourselves scraping envelopes and baggies with razor blades, scratching the last flakes from the corners of brown bottles, snorting or smoking any white speck from the floor when we ran out. We, who prided ourselves on our fine-tuned state of mind! Nothing mattered more to us than the straw, the pipe, the needle. Even if it made us feel miserable, we had to have it.
Some of us mixed cocaine with alcohol or other drugs, and found temporary relief in the change, but in the end it only compounded our problems. We tried quitting by ourselves, finally, and sometimes managed to do so for periods of time. After a month we imagined we were in control. We thought our system was cleaned out and we could get the old high again, using half as much. This time, we'd be careful not to go overboard. But we only found ourselves back where we were before, and worse.
We never left the house without using first. We didn't make love without using. We didn't talk on the phone without coke. We couldn't fall asleep, sometimes it seemed we couldn't even breathe without cocaine. We tried changing jobs, apartments, cities, lovers -- believing that our lives were being screwed up by circumstances, places, people. Perhaps we saw a cocaine friend die of respiratory arrest, and still we went on using! But eventually we had to face facts. We had to admit that cocaine was a serious problem in our lives, that we were addicts.
What Brought Us to Cocaine Anonymous?
Some of us hit a physical bottom. It may have been anything from a nosebleed which frightened us, to sexual impotence, to loss of sensation in or temporary paralysis of a limb, to a loss of consciousness and a trip to an emergency room, to a cocaine-induced stroke that left us disabled. Maybe it was finally our gaunt reflection in the mirror.
Others of us hit an emotional or spiritual bottom. The good times were gone, the coke life was over. No matter how much we used, we never again achieved elation, only a temporary release from the depression of coming down, and often, not even that. We suffered violent mood swings. Perhaps we awoke to our predicament after threatening or actually harming a loved one, desperately demanding imagined hidden money. We were overcome by feelings of alienation from friends, loved ones, parents, children, society, from the sky, from everything wholesome. Even the dealer we thought was our friend turned into a stranger when we went to him without money. Perhaps we awoke in dread of the isolation we had created for ourselves; using alone, suffocated by our self-centered fear and our paranoia. We were spiritually and emotionally deadened. Perhaps we thought of suicide, or tried it.
Still others of us reached a different sort of bottom when our spending and lying cost us our jobs, credit, and possessions. Some of us reached the point that we couldn't even deal; we consumed everything we touched before we could sell it. We simply could no longer afford to use. Sometimes the law intervened.
Most of us were brought down by a medley of financial physical, social, and spiritual problems.
When we found Cocaine Anonymous, we learned that cocaine addiction is a progressive disease, chronic and potentially fatal. It fit our own experience when we heard that, contrary to popular myths about cocaine, it is possibly the most addictive substance known to man. We were relieved to be told that addiction is not simply a moral problem, that it is a true disease over which the will alone is usually powerless. All the same, each of us must take responsibility for our own recovery. There is no secret, no magic. We each have to quit and stay sober; but we don't have to do it alone!
What is Cocaine Anonymous?
We are a Fellowship of cocaine addicts who meet together to share our experience, strength, and hope for the purpose of staying sober and helping others achieve the same freedom. Everything heard at our meetings is to be treated as confidential. There are no dues or fees of any kind. To be a member, you only have to want to quit, and show up. We also exchange phone numbers, and give and seek support from one another between meetings.
We are all on equal footing here. There are no professional therapists offering treatment, and no one "runs" the group. Everyone in these rooms is here because he or she has a desire to stop usIng cocaine. We are men and women of all ages, races, and social backgrounds, with the common bond of affliction. Our program, called the Twelve Steps of Recovery, is gratefully borrowed from Alcoholics Anonymous, whose more than 50 years of experience with substance abuse teaches us that the best human help an addict can receive is from another addict. Some of us may first come to C.A. while in a treatment program or seeking individual psychotherapy. We say, "Fine, do whatever works for you." We don't pretend to have all the answers, but experience has taught us that a recoveri.ng addict will almost certainly relapse without the ongoing support of fellow addicts.
We welcome newcomers to C.A. with more genuine warmth and acceptance in our hearts than you can probably now Imaglne-for you are the life blood of our Program. In great part, it is by carrying the message of recovery to others like ourselves that we keep our own sobriety. We are all helping ourselves by helping each other.
What is the First Thing?
To the newcomer who wonders what is the first thing he or she must do to achieve sobriety, we say that you have already done the first thing:
* You have admitted to yourself, and now to others, that you need help by the very act of coming to a meeting or seeking information about the C.A. program.
# You are also, at this very moment, doing the next thing to stay straight:
* You are not taking the next hit.
# Ours is a one-day-at-a-time program. We suggest that you not dwell on wanting to stay sober for the rest of your life, or for a year, or even a week. Once you have decided you want to quit, let tomorrow take care of itself. Just for today, you don't have to use. But sometimes it is too much for us to project even one whole day drug-free. That's okay. Just for the next ten minutes, you don't have to use. It's okay to want it, but you don't have to use it, just for ten minutes. After ten minutes, see where you are. You can repeat this simple process as often as necessary, using whatever span of time feels comfortable. Just for today, you don't have to use!
In the C.A. Fellowship, you are among recovering cocaine abusers who are living without drugs. Make use of us! Take phone numbers. Between meetings, you may not be able to avoid contact with drugs and druggies. Some of us had no sober friends at all when we first came in. You have sober friends now! When you begin to feel squirrelly, don't wait. Give one of us a call; and don't be surprised if one of us calls you when we need help!
It may surprise you that we discourage the use of any mind-altering substances, including alcohol and marijuana. It is the common experience of addicts in this and other programs that any drug use leads to relapse or substitute addiction. If you're addicted to another substance, you'd better take care of it. If you're not, then you don't need it, so why mess with it? We urge you to heed this sound advice drawn from the bitter experience of other addicts. Is it likely you're different?
We thought we were happiest with our cocaine, but we were not. In C.A., we learn to live a new way of life. We say that it is a spiritual but not a religious program—our spiritual values are accessible to the atheist as well as to the devout theist.
We who are grateful recovering cocaine addicts ask you to listen closely to our stories. That is the main thing—listen! We know where you're coming from, because we've been there ourselves. Yet we are now living drug-free, not only that, but living happily; many of us, happier (than we have ever been before). Few of us would trade all our years of addiction for the last six months or year of living the C.A. program of sobriety.
No one says that it is easy to arrest addiction. We had to give up old ways of thinking and behaving. We had to be willing to change. But we are doing it, gratefully, one day at a time.
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We are all here for the same reason - our inability to stop using cocaine. The first step towards solving any problem is understanding the problem.
The Problem. The Problem, as we see it, consists of an obsession of the mind and a compulsion of the body. The obsession is a continued and irresistible thought of cocaine and the next high . Once we have given in to this thought, our bodies take over. Our compulsion consists of an absolute inability to stop using once we begin. Thus, our recovery begins with complete abstinence from cocaine and all other mind-altering substances. This allows us to begin living in the solution.
The Solution. We wish to assure you that there is a solution and that recovery is possible. It begins with abstinence and continues with practicing the Twelve Steps of recovery one day at a time.
Take it easy. Addiction is not a moral issue. Addiction is a disease - a disease that kills. Here are some suggestions to help you stay clean and sober for your first 30 days: Abstinence. Do not use any mind-altering substances! Experience has shown us that the use of any mind-altering substance will ultimately lead us back to addiction in another form or to our drug of choice, cocaine.
A Meeting a Day. Attend at least one meeting a day... or more. Meetings are where we go to share our experience, strength, and hope with each other.
Get a Sponsor. It is a good idea to get a sponsor during your early days, when C.A. seems unfamiliar. A sponsor is simply a sober addict who can give you more time and attention than is available at meetings. Use the Telephone. Get phone numbers from C.A. members and use them. A vital part of our recovery process is reaching out to others. If no one is available, call Cocaine Anonymous.
Use the Telephone. Get phone numbers from C.A. members and use them. A vital part of our recovery process is reaching out to others. If no one is available, call Cocaine Anonymous.
One Day at a Time. We stay clean and sober one day at a time, and, when necessary, one hour or even one minute at a time; not one week, or one month, or one year, just one day at a time.
As we get clean and sober, our feelings begin to surface. Cocaine helped us escape from ourselves; it altered our reality. It helped us cover up, avoid, and deaden our feelings. Getting clean and sober can be painful, but with help, we find our lives get better one day at a time.
When we attended our first C.A. meeting, we knew deep down inside that cocaine had become a problem in our lives. Seeing this was just the beginning.
This is where the program of Cocaine Anonymous comes into play. We begin by surrendering and working the Twelve Steps of recovery.
STEP ONE:We admitted we were powerless over cocaine and all other mind-altering substances-that our lives had become unmanageable.
Most of us disliked the idea of being powerless over anything. We thought that cocaine made us invincible and powerful, when in actuality, it wiped us out financially, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. We were out of control and had reached the depths of despair. The extent to which our lives had become unmanageable, of course, was different for each of us.
The fact remained that our lives had become unmanageable. Not until we got honest with ourselves and surrendered, did we begin to know peace.
STEP TWO:Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Step Two involves open-mindedness. Having admitted we were powerless over cocaine and all other mind-altering substances, we became open minded enough to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could remove our obsession to use and restore us to sanity. The obsession to use will be removed. This Power may be, but does not have to be God.
Many of us use the Fellowship of C.A. as our Higher Power. After all, what we had failed to do alone, we are succeeding in doing together.
STEP THREE:Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
Cocaine Anonymous is a spiritual program, not a religious one. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection. Some of us arrived with a God, while others used the group until they found a Higher Power of their own understanding. A key phrase in this Step is "as we understood Him." ln Cocaine Anonymous, each individual can choose a God of his or her own understanding.
As we worked the Twelve Steps of recovery, we began to see some of the Promises coming true in our lives:
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are halfway through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.*
Why Sponsorship?
By this time you may have gone to meetings and heard lots of talk about working the Steps, a power greater than ourselves and getting a sponsor. You may also have become aware that Cocaine Anonymous is based on the Twelve Steps of Recovery. But, if you're like many of us were, you're not sure what is meant by working the Steps, finding a Higher Power or getting a sponsor.
Many of us would not have been able to stay clean and sober were it not for the special one-to-one relationships with our sponsors.
C.A. may at first seem unfamiliar. During the early days of sobriety, it's a good idea to get a sponsor. At first, you might have a lot of questions and concerns, and a sponsor can devote more time to your individual questions than regular meetings allow. Sponsors can introduce you to other people at meetings. It might help you feel more comfortable at meetings to be with someone who knows his or her way around.
Although people at meetings respond to our questions willingly, that alone isn't enough. Many other questions occur to us between meetings; many of us find that we need constant, close support as we begin learning how to live sober.
What Is A Sponsor?
A sponsor is a clean and sober addict who shares with you how they maintain their sobriety by working the Twelve Steps. The sponsor's primary tools are his or her experience, strength and hope.
There are no specific rules, but a sponsor should probably be sober for a year or more and be enjoying his or her new life as a result of the Twelve Steps.
A sponsor was once a newcomer too, and has used the C.A. program to deal with problems similar to those the newcomer is now facing.
Sharing the lessons of what he or she has learned staying sober is what a sponsor is all about. On a one-to-one basis, a sponsor can share his or her experience, strength and hope in living a happy, joyous and free life.
Sponsors are not professional counselors and are not certified to offer legal, psychiatric or medical advice. Nor is a sponsor someone upon whom we can rely to get us jobs, clothing or food. Sponsors have been down the rocky road before and often can suggest where you can obtain the professional help you might need. Do not hesitate to call your sponsor. It may be hard at first to pick up the phone-we do not find it easy to ask for help. But remember, a sponsor has been there and knows how you feel.
Finding A Sponsor
Some of the ways we have gotten to know people and found a sponsor are:
Listening to the feelings being shared at meetings.
Asking members of the fellowship for their phone numbers, then
actually calling and talking to them.
Going to coffee after meetings with other sober addicts.
Sharing at meetings.
Asking others to recommend someone as a sponsor.
When choosing a sponsor, remember that this does not have to be a lifelong relationship. Many of us have had different sponsors at different times in our sobriety. Others have had the same sponsor since early sobriety. The point is that YOU must take the initiative and reach out.
A Discussion of Sponsorship
In C.A., experience has shown that it's best for men to sponsor men and women to sponsor women. This custom promotes quick understanding and reduces the likelihood of emotional distractions, which might take the newcomer's mind off the purpose of Cocaine Anonymous.
At times, we may feel uncomfortable with what our sponsor suggests. But remember sponsors have traveled the road before and are sharing their experience with us to help us through difficult times.
Which sponsor is best for you? No one but you can answer that question. Sponsors may share interests similar to yours, but may also be totally different. It's best to attend meetings and listen to what experienced individuals have to say about living the steps with strength and hope. Again, a sponsor only shares his or her experience, strength and hope. By sharing our difficulties with our sponsor on a one-to-one basis, it makes day-to-day living a lot easier and our struggle less lonely.
Remember, sponsors have lives outside C.A. They have families, jobs and other responsibilities. Although a sponsor will do whatever he or she can to help you maintain your sobriety, there will be times when a sponsor is truly unavailable. So what are we to do? Check listings for the next C.A. meeting, read the steps and literature, contact the local C.A. office, or pull out those telephone numbers of other recovering addicts and call. Keep an active telephone list of recovering addicts with you and above all CALL. Your call will be helping the other person as much as it helps you. Other recovering addicts know what you are experiencing and will sincerely help you through the rough times. But before you can get help, you have to reach out and ask for it. It's there, ready and willing to be shared.
A person may have more than one sponsor. Someone with two or more sponsors has a wider range of experience available to him or her. Others, however, feel that having only one sponsor promotes a more focused approach to the C.A. program.
It is never too late to get a sponsor. Whether you are a newcomer hesitant about "bothering" someone, or a member who has been around for some time trying to go it alone, sponsorship is yours for the asking. We urge you: DO NOT DELAY. We in C.A. want to share what we have learned with other addicts because experience has taught us that we keep what we have by giving it away.
Most members of Cocaine Anonymous owe their sobriety to the fact that someone else took a special interest in them and was willing to share a great gift with them. A C.A. member often finds that getting a good sponsor, talking frankly and listening can make the whole program open up as it never did before.
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Tips for staying clean and sober
Take the 12 Steps of Cocaine Anonymous
Go to 90 meetings in 90 days.
Don't use between meetings.
Don't drink or use no matter what.
Throw away all your drug paraphernalia.
Get a sponsor.
Call you sponsor every day.
Avoid people, places and things that you associate with drug use.
Don't deal drugs.
Get phone numbers and use them.
If no one is home, and you're in trouble, call the Hotline.
Be of service; get a commitment at a meeting.
Go to coffee after meetings.
Remember that you don't have to stay sober the rest of your life. We only do this one day at a time.
Don't get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired (H.A.L.T.).
If the connection calls, hang up.
Read the books and literature.
If you think of using, think it through--all the way through.
No matter what happens, keep coming back.
Seek a Higher Power.
Ask your Higher Power to keep you clean and sober each day.
Stick with the winners.
Ask questions.
Make sobriety your #1 priority.
Be Honest, Open-minded and Willing (H.O.W.).
Don't be hard on yourself, recovery takes time. We care.
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Cocaine Anonymous World Service Conference Approved Literature. Copyright © 1999 Cocaine Anonymous® World Services, Inc. "Cocaine Anonymous" and the CA Logo are registered trademarks of Cocaine Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.
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